January's rundown

Foreign films and chicken nuggets

I want to stress this is not a new year’s resolution, this is just a decision made in January.

Also, I’ve fucked up my back so badly i can’t move or go anywhere so this gives me something to do, rather than just watching the video footage of the hindenburg disaster while eating a custard cream.

Each month I’ll do my silly little essay and then, in between, I shall be giving you a sort of mop up of the month. I give you High brow, Low brow. The concept is obviously going to be hard for you to wrap your head’s around, being so complex. But yes, I’ll give you a run down of the high and low brow things I think are worthy of talking about that month.

I’ve chosen this topic because I come from a working class background but now live in a middle class world. So every day I find myself in a world where the social commentary around class and culture seep into my being. And for those of you that have assumed low brow will correlate with my working class background, give yourself a slap on the wrist you naughty stereotypers. Not all high brow things belong to you poshos (though a lot of them probably do).

The point of High Brow, Low Brow is not only to categorize the things I get up to in a jovial little way but also to very lightly probe at the systemic reasons that lead us to box these things in.

Here, then, are this month’s highs and lows (brows).

Highbrow

Sam and I have been together for 11 years now and although the love gets stronger, the ability to choose a Christmas gift for them gets weaker. How many thoughtful things can you think of? I spunked my load at the start, making him dessert island discs, painting pictures of things he loves, getOk, so i’ve decided that it’s time to up my Substack game.

ting my fanny waxed etc. But now, I read those lists that magazines and wannabe influencers make for the perfect Christmas gift for him. I stare at the hot sauce selection and imagine how badly that will affect his stomach and move on.

In all of the years we’ve been together, I’ve read two books. Ok, 2.5 books. I read Lily Allan and Viv Albertine’s autobiographies and then Conversations With Friends which I enjoyed but put down three quarters of the way through and just never ever picked up again. I have ADHD so this is a common occurrence for me and something I used to worry about.

I’ve always had a sort of negative reaction to the thought of reading and all societal commentary on what it means. There has always seemed to be a correlation between intellect and reading which I think is completely incorrect because I would say I’m MVP on the quiz team but I’ve read almost nothing. I used to see Sam open gifts which were obviously books for birthdays and christmases and would think, poor lad, that seems boring.

So, buying him a book as a gift had never crossed my mind. BUT, someone suggested I do it this year and I thought, yeah actually go on then, this a novelty, maybe a book would be fun?

I found myself on the Faber website, perusing the Top 21 Books Set in London. Let me tell you the Faber website has never been put into my search bar before, but I was actually surprised at how much I was enjoying it there. It felt like in Pretty Woman where she’s uncomfortable in the posh dress shop but actually no one was judging me and I could afford the tenner for the book without doing sex work (for now).

I chose a book called Glass Pearls by Emeric Pressburger. It’s a psychological thriller about a Nazi who flees after the war and ends up in Pimlico, and gets paranoid about his past crimes and potentially getting sniffed out by Nazi hunters. It’s from the 60s but has been republished by Faber and feels like something I may even read. Sam said it was good, anyway. I trust him, he’s a book worm with a literature degree.

I also watched a foreign language film called The Vanishing from 1988 (as you can imagine, I’m watching a lot of TV at the moment) and I really enjoyed it. I thought the storytelling was unique and filmed quite beautifully. This also prompted me to join Letterboxd, on which I’ve rated two films so far, those being Dirty Dancing (5 stars) and Sentimental Value (2 stars). I think this really sums up what this column (lol calling it column) is about. But I got distracted and shut the app.

(I need to let you know since writing that sentence, 24 hours ago, i have now added another six films - https://letterboxd.com/kelliblanchett/)

Lowbrow

Over the New Year period, I managed to get myself a lovely little infection called Diverticulitis (feels low brow, an infection in the shitter). Yes, this is an infection of the colon (sexy). The doctor said to me on NYE that I couldn’t drink alcohol or do anything fun at all. This was hard because I like my dopamine hits. I usually get those through wine, foods that have bits in, going to the pub, not writhing in pain.

Because of the infection, it was also a strictly low fibre diet. This meant white bread, white pasta, things without crusts, no seeds etc. So I found myself eating a sort of WW2 diet of bread and butter, chips and nuggets for two weeks (they had nuggets in WW2, right?). To start off with, this had some novelty but, by day three, I could feel my insides turning to rubber and I was worried I’d never take a shit again.

Was I glaring at a cannellini bean begging it to be inside me? Yes. Was I dreaming about bathing in a bath of garden peas? Absolutely. It’s not really low fibre foods that felt low brow, it was more that I had to do it every single day for weeks. I was missing key nutrients in ye olde body that it was desperately calling out for.

My other low brow this week is someone trying to send me an offer on Vinted for 60% off the asking price. Look, I’m no Warren Buffet, but I do expect some class when trading. And that is why I am not a businesswoman or trader. I understand the rush of a good bargain but all you’ve done is piss me off and refuse to negotiate.

Sam says i need to calm down about Vinted but the gall of some people is unignorable.

I wouldn’t offer you a banana for an iPad Sheila from Oswaldtwistle, so don’t try it with me.

https://www.vinted.co.uk/member/112619201